October 21, 2005
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October 18th’s post gave an update on the physical house we are building on 37th Drive; this one is the long-awaited introduction to the social “household” we are building there.
The greek word for “household” is “oikos”, but it carries much more freight than the pedestrian english term. Oikos always implies those who live under your roof: the nuclear family, household servants (harking back to Greek and Roman empires, your slaves were part of your oikos too), houseguests, extended family who live with you. But it can have the wider connotation of all those with whom you share a social tie, rippling out in concentric circles of closeness: people you work with, your friends and family far and near... and in ancient koine greek texts, it assumed your geographic neighbors too.
In this modern era of frequent migration and 90-minute commutes, it’s rare to get to know your neighbors in the same way our ancestors knew theirs. Modern methods of communication (telephone & internet in particular) let us keep in close contact with folks far from us, filling up our friendship capacity so that there is no room in our schedules hearts or minds for yet another relationship, particularly with the person who just happens to live next door (for now). We no longer need to know our neighbors; we hardly have time or energy to do so anyway, anymore. More importantly, many people don’t even want to know their neighbors. Modern society and technology gives us the luxury of building relationships only with folks we like, or folks we want to know. And as our neighborhoods become more culturally diverse (isn’t that a nice term?), we feel we have less and less in common with the odd and often irritating folks who live down the street.
Yet there are good reasons to know your neighbors. Most obviously, you share with them any experience that affects your whole block: this is suddenly both urgent and important when it is a big tragedy like those in the news these days, or even something more localized like an apartment complex catching fire, a water main bursting, a sinkhole opening in the middle of the street. Even if it’s just a blackout, you find yourself thrown into it with your neighbors. Will they be strangers then, or friends already?
There are other less melodramatic resons to want to know your neighbors, of course. Can you think of any?
Comments (5)
Borrow a cup of sugar...or a roll of t.p.???
Seriously though...just the small things. With our son we need help from time to time, and we can call on a few neighbors when we are "stationed" at the hospital for a long time to take the trash can in if they see if out for a long time, or call if we accidentally leave the garage door open over night.
My friend and I are always talking about neighbors and what can we do to get to know them. She is actually throwing an open house at Christmas for the people on her street. Cookies and ounch...isn't that cool???
I cannot get anywhere with my neighborhood. Although it's wonderful to live in a "beautiful" community with clean streets and manicured parkways, it's difficult to have relationships with anyone. Sharing is an unacceptable form of behavior. I could go on and on. Affluence creates impenetrable walls.
We'll be moving in June... and the destination is undetermined. I know I want to continue to have an open home, and live in a place where people can respond to it.
Some ideas.... have your kids shovel neighbors walkways whether they're able or not. Just get out and shovel because you can! Summertime - have a Friday night BBQ Potlluck - just be the one to host it. Whoever shows up is the one to show up. Be open to kids sleeping over too with tents set up. Be the house that has koolpops so that kids are always running in and out. Pretty soon other members of the family will come looking for the action.
I love the Christmas-open-house idea, and we are considering something like that too. My wife is ambitious: she's hoping to have one party per month, celebrating whatever the calendar (or our growing insight to our new neighbors) offers. But as we don't actually live on that block yet, we're wanting to do other things. Like attending the funeral and wake of the old lady next door, who died several months ago. That was a good start, but we are still a long way from being "insiders."
So, I feel ya, Sally. In our case, it's OUR affluence, not the neighbors', which is the barrier to overcome. Despite my beat-up truck, no television or fancy stereo systems to our name, etc. we are still the "rich white folk", to them. And to some degree we have to accept that label: after all, we are building a new home on their block, where this hasn't happened since the early '60s... the vast majority of the homes in that area date back to the 1920s, actually, like the rotted-out bungalow thing that we finally bulldozed. It was a piece of history... one that we ought to put behind us. Interior walls framed with 1x2s, louvered windows, virtually no insulation (except the loose-fill cellulose one owner had blown into the attic), vinyl accordion doors into the living room, toilet falling through the bathroom floor, plumbing/wiring/windows/doors/carpeting/linoleum all shot or nearly shot, etc.
Race is an issue too. We'll be the first white folks on 37th Drive since I don't know when... since WWII, I'm guessing, maybe earlier.
Culture is the biggest issue. Most of the neighborhood is inner-city Black of southern extraction. We are multiracial multicultural polyglot weirdos. You never know what sort of person might appear on our doorstep to visit us, or what we might do or say next, or what you might find us eating. There's a lot about us that's not "in character" for rich white folks who build their own houses. To say nothing of our alarming array of children (alarming to some folks on our block, that is, who are convinced that white parents can't raise black kids in a healthy way).
Blah, blah. Anyway, I love your suggestions, though I'm sad to say we won't be shoveling snow for them anytime soon. You're right about kids being the door to the hearts of parents: I have not been thinking that way recently, though we used to run a Bible Club ministry, so I ought to know better. On the other hand, too many kids too often for too long can be overwhelming. Any ideas about child chaos control? (not eliminate chaos but manage it somehow?)
Rock on.
Chaos control? Just build a big basement with a drain. Put a drum set, walls that kids can paint on, etc. Throw food down once in awhile. When they're all gone, hose the room down and start over!
Culture may be the biggest issue, but you intentionally became a "multiracial multicultural polyglot group of weirdos" and praise God someone is doing it and is comfortable with it. Give 'em time. I have AfricanAmerican friends who tell me they've never met a white woman like me, and they're intrigue and wanting to trust. I tell 'em that I am going to need help too, but gosh darn it, I am committed to it. I may not see anything till I reach glory, but at least I'm committed.
Okay, I'm done.